After years in development, cost overruns and network interference, Johnny Carson is set to launch his new prime-time late, late, late “Tonight Show in Heaven with Johnny Carson.” Sources familiar with the negotiations have been ruminating about the lack of sideman talent, saying that contract disputes have been holding up production. Initially, Carson Productions was considering using Danny Kaye or Bob Hope, but Ari Emanuel, the agent for the two, has said that there were never “serious discussions.” Hope’s management added: “Mr. Hope is enjoying his time on the best golf courses in heaven and writing a memoir about his time with the USO. He appreciates the consideration but is already slated to do a Variety hour with Dean Martin, launching in the fall.”

Carson Productions will be holding a news conference today from the Yahweh Media Center (off of Gold Paved Mansion Road and Hail Mary St.) and will announce the long-awaited addition of Ed McMahon as the official sidekick for the show. Contract details were not available, but sources are speculating that Mr. McMahon got a deal in line with “A-list” sidemen in the ever-after. Some time will be allowed for paperwork processing and work permits as McMahon has recently moved to the area.

Mr. McMahon released this statement through his P.R. group (Haveanicelife PR Beverly Hills) “I am excited to rejoin Johnny, as it has been many years since we have spoken to one another. I am sure the old chemistry is still there and I believe audiences throughout the universe will recognize the special bond we have.”
Additionally, the bandleader position will be held temporarily by Jimi Hendrix until Doc Severinsen can reach an agreement with the Network and production company. Mrs. Severinsen is not pleased with his plans to join the show anytime soon. Mr. Hendrix said in a written statement, “Doc is a brilliant cat man, nothin’ can touch those lips and armature, but horns aint my thang you dig? I’m just doin my thing for Johnny and the people and can’t wait to jam with McMahon. I hear he is a bad ass trianglist.”

Network jockeying is a tough business in Paradisio as the viewing migration has changed to a far younger demo within the Kingdom of God. Nielsen states that nearly 43% of new viewers are opting for internet only viewing and broadband is still trying to gain wide acceptance. In addition, the numbers for Purgatorio are way down, citing lack of programming and exciting new events. Ratings in Hades have been surging for late night programming; a recent survey indicated a full 100% penetration into the underworld for all demographics in all time slots. Bon Scott, a citizen of H-E-Double Hockey Sticks, lamented the lack of adult veiwing and the confusing switch to digital signals, “This digital switch was really confusing and to be honest, I do not see much difference in picture quality. I am also VERY disappointed in the adult viewing choices, outside of Family Guy, we have basically nothing to watch. Johnny’s show will truly be a Godsend!”

Johnny’s launch week will feature guests: Lucille Ball, Tom Snyder, George Carlin and performances by “Crazy Fugue” a new supergroup band featuring Wolfgang Mozart, Randy Rhoades, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Cliff Burton and Janis Joplin.

Executive Head Writer Aaron Sorkin said there are some surprises planned as well, “We are going to ‘resurrect’ favorite characters such as Carnac and really delve into the new media world with “heaventxt,” a new media that allows viewrs to interact with the show’s sidekick Ed McMahon in real time. It’s very exciting!” Mr. Sorkin also explained how the process of writing for a show on a different ‘coast’ is a challenge, “I normally email about 20 pages of material but with Johnny’s new show we are using Twitter as it is the preferred method of communication in Heaven. It is hard to write a 1-1/2 show using 140 characters at a time. Generally, at the end of the week, Johnny and I Skype and get a feel for what needs to be revised, it’s challenging but very rewarding.”
More news to come.